Why?

Blogging is supposed to be theraputic. Somehow, I don't see this helping.



It all started Tuesday morning. I got up to pee and there it was. When you're pregnant not something you want to see.



Yesterday the doctors said my numbers were good and the baby had a heartbeat, low, but there.



Today, the world came crashing in on me.



There was no heartbeat. Nothing. Gone.



So, yes that ends the story of baby number 2.



I am devastated, broken down and feeling like I'm to blame. I know I shouldn't, but being the sole provider for that baby, it's hard not to. I'm not the first person to lose a baby, nor will I be the last.



It just hurts. And I don't see it ending anytime soon.



I think worst of all was telling Grady. He just doesn't know why God took his new baby and wants it back in momma's belly. He has been so sweet to me and knows just when to throw in the I love you's.



We will try again....hopefully with a better outcome.